She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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