Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Farmville is her only friend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
