I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
