ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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