Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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