hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
