explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
