I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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