Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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