if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
