He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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