All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
