I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize