this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
