My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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