Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
