Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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