I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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