Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
