I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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