Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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