Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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