Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
