wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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