R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
