Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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