dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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