btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
