the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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