Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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