Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
