Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
