You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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