what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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