Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My pussy is not your playground.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
