i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
