I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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