He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
