She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
