is wine microwaveable?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
