Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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