you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
