Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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