that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
