"it" just moved
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
