If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
