I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they need to just BURY HIM!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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