i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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