I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He has the fingertips of a God
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