just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
