"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
