I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
