I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
