I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
