There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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