apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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