I met the friendliest cop last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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