id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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