Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
