I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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