this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize