did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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