life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
