You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
