White coat. Heels.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just high enough for therapy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
