I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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