At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
