Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
