Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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