I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
