He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
