I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
