Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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