My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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