We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
