We're facebook friends in real life
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
