The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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