So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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