This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
