I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
