Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
