So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
