ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
