You're so nebulous sometimes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
