The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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