After last night, I could never be a politician.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
