last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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