I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
